What a day ...

A day of quick changes ... and participation in diverse events.

Saturday morning 9:30 am -

I arrive at the college to judge music scholarship auditions of prospective music students at the MTSU School of Music.

10:15 am - I get home to don my sprinters tights and track suit to race in the Sewanee Invitational Indoor Track Meet - 60 miles away

11:30 am - Arrive at the track and begin warmups

12:30 pm - Run the 55m dash with guys 30+ years younger and manage to beat a few... running the third fastest time in the US this season in my age group. Photo: I'm in lane one. More here

3:30 pm - Run the 200m dash, beating 5 college guys and running my season best time, 4th in the US in my age group this season.

4:00 pm - Leave for Murfreesboro

5:00 pm - Quick change into a suit and tune my guitar in preparation for a performance.

5:30 pm - Perform classical guitar at Mike and Becky's wedding

What a day... great to have the lovely lady Iska with me all evening. Great to see Mike marry Becky, a lovely person, excellent cook, and a PhD Biologist. Good to see old friends, nice way to end a really full day.

Best of all, everything went great!

My new state 400m record

56.09

Breaks the 13 year old M50 mark of 57.00

Double Gold at the TN State meet. More at Sprint Forever blog.

400m Gold: Southeastern US Masters Championships

Gold medal in the 400 meter dash Southeastern Masters Championships M50-54

Official time: 55.54

Presently ranked 6th in the USA Men's 50-54.

Silver medals in the 200m and 100m, M50-54

More at Sprint Forever blog...

Two more Golds and faster still - Indiana Masters Indoor Track Championships

Since I had nothing better to do on spring break, I drove to Taylor University in Upland, IN for the Indiana Masters Indoor Track Championships on 3/12. I won my age group in the 55m with a 7.43 and ran the 200m for the first time ever. Surprisingly my 200m time won both my age group and the overall best time of the meet in all age groups: 26.30.

My 7.43 in the 55m is my best time so far, down more than 3 tenths of a sec from my first meet 6 weeks ago. That is 4 PRs in a row, a nice way to end my indoor season. My only regret is missing the USA Masters 'All American Standard' by just .03 seconds in the 55m.

The Indiana meet didn't offer much competition. I won both my heats and didn't see anyone during the race (although I ran the 55m in a heat of 8 sprinters). These masters meets are so different from running in college meets where I'm far behind the heat winners. In college meets, I feel accomplished to not finish last.

I worked out Tuesday with weights ... the squats and dead lifts have made me quite sore, but I hope to recover by Saturday to run my first 100 meter outdoor race at Governors Stadium in Clarksville on 3/19. I may scratch, I haven't run all week but I'd really like the opportunity to get a baseline time from which to improve upon. I can run the 100m three consecutive weekends: 3/26 at Vanderbilt and 4/2 at either Sewanee or Clarksville.

My goal for the first race is to just get below 13.00. BTW... the TN Senior Games was won last year at 13.28 in my age group. Ultimately, I'd love to get below 12.5. 12.28 was the slowest qualifying time in last year's USA Masters Nationals final heat. We'll see, I've not run a 100m race in 33 years!

UPDATE:

I ran 12.56 in the 100m at APSU on 3/19. A good start.

Next Saturday 3/26: Black and Gold Invitational at Vanderbilt

I hope to run the 100m and 200m

The TN Senior Games state sprint records for the Men's 50 age group 100m and 200m are certainly within reach: 100m - 12.32 and 200m - 25.7

Getting Faster - Mason Dixon Indoor Track Meet

My 55m time is now down to 7.52 and I ran my first 400 meter race ever in 61.72. Good enough for 2 age group Gold Medals in the 51st Annual Mason Dixon Games in Louisville, KY on 3/4/11. The 400m was a surprise since I did not train for it, earned me a national rank of 22nd for that event. I really faded in the last 50m, in better shape, I could easily run under a minute. My splits were approximatley 26 and 35! Talk about languishing in the end.... I was flailing across the finish line, but in first.

My new Nike Superfly R3 shoes seemed to help, although the spike pad got a little chewed up on the antique wooden track. I love these shoes, a big improvement over my old 'UT orange' Adidas Demolishers. They are really light, about 5 or 6 oz.

My 55m time still ranks 8th nationally and will likely remain in the top 10 since the indoor season is wrapping up.

I just may run the outdoor season. 100m and maybe more.

Sprinting the 55m: College Indoor Track Meet

Moving up a notch in the National Masters Track rankings. I'm presently 6th ranked nationally in my age group in the indoor 55m dash - with a 7.60 at the Sewanee Invitational last Saturday, 2/26/11.

My start was good but not great, and I'm happy to have run about the same time as I did at TSU more than 2 yrs ago. My weight was good, probably around 141 at race time. I was proud to be the oldest competitor on the track, and it's amazing that I actually beat 2 college sprinters at this meet. (If I were them, I'd hang it up). I did not train for this, so it gives me motivation to take it more seriously next year. My present speed is not trained ... just 'au naturale.'

I think there is room for at least a 0.35 improvement, maybe more. I need to do some serious lifting and resistance work begining late summer and then work on my starts and leaps with some explosive plyometric training. It would be nice to be able to be strong enough to do more actual sprinting so as to work on form, rather than just saving myself for the meets to avoid injury. The only complete 55m full out sprints I've done this year have been just in the 2 races.

This will be my last sprint race of the season, unless I get crazy and drive to Louisville on Fri.

The guy in the blue in the photo is Dezman Cage who ran a smokin' 6.37 in the finals to win the event.

This has been pure fun, nothing like the feeling of sprinting 100%.

Power and joy.

Return to the track - competitive sprinting at age 50

This blurry video frame is from my 55 meter sprint race at the Tiger Invitational at Sewanee, TN, a college indoor track meet on 2/5/11. Obviously, I'm in third place here, running against college sprinters 30 years younger than I. I finished in a dead heat for third with a college runner who was behind me at this point in the race (just out of the frame).

It was my first sprint race in 2 years and my time wasn't as good as I had hoped for: 7.74. However, it was good enough for a national ranking of 7th in the USA Track and Field Masters for my age group. It's over a second slower than I ran at my peak of speed 32 yrs ago, and 0.15 slower than in '09. Amazingly, I was not the slowest sprinter at that track meet, but naturally, close to it.

It felt great. I'm so happy to be able to participate at my age. Sprinting full out on a nice track when everything is working is a great feeling. Unfortunately, at my age, I simply can't practice full out sprinting as much as I would like. I have to be cautious and save my legs for races.

I feel I can run much faster, and I regret not training for this. Perception is funny, it 'felt' like I was running faster, but the clock doesn't lie. The video shows I had a good start. If I had started training in October, I'm sure I'd be a few tenths faster.

A lot of it is weight control. The higher my body weight, the more stress on the body. It wasn't until just the past few weeks I was able to get down to my high school weight of 143 lbs. I was up as high as 160 just after Christmas.

Indoor track events are not very common around the south without having to drive long distances to attend. I'm happy to have discovered the Fowler Center track at Sewanee and hope to compete there again in 3 weeks. Sprinting is so much more fun than training and running 5K races, although 5K are really good for the heart, lungs, weight control and general health. 5K training however, is hard on the knees. Maybe I'll grit my teeth and run one 5K this year too.

Starting 2011 with a 10K run up Signal Mtn

What a better way to start the new year than a 10K run up Signal Mtn. ... at 8 am in the rain and fog? Fortunately, it was relatively warm with temperatures in the 50s.

The so-called "W Road" is a twisty 1000' climb up Signal Mountain in Chattanooga, TN that is often closed during snowy weather. But today, after a horrendous sleepless night of thunderstorms, the road was open and my friends were waiting when I got there. About a dozen of us - from college aged to 50 something, including 4 women, made the annual run up to Lee's beautiful log house for a party.

It took it us about an hour and thanks to Bill M., maybe I'll join the group again next year.

I've logged about 16 miles in the past 5 days. I expect to decrease my mileage and begin speed and strength work in hopes of sprinting in a few races this year. I'm getting a very late start training for the indoor track season. Also, I'm on a low carb low fat raw vegetarian diet to cleanse my digestive tract and drop about 15 lbs to get to my competition weight. I was as high as 160 lbs., now at 152 and target weight is 144ish.

Check out this tour of the hairpins of "W Road" (H/T Jeff):

The return of an old slow sprinter

I ran my first sprint race at the Ed Temple Classic at TSU on 1/11. I was sore before the race and did not get a good start. I ran with some great athletes and it was a blast. I did not get hurt and it was over so fast. i hope to improve on my pathetic 7.59 time in the next meet.

Nevertheless, my lowly 7.59 is the fastest electronic time recorded thus far this year in the Masters Rankings for the 55m in the 45-49 age group. I'm sure there will be faster times as the season rolls on. Nice to get on the board however.

I AM a sprinter

Not just any sprinter... a white 48 yr old sprinter.

Today, I worked out with the MTSU sprinters under the watchful eye of USATF Hall of Fame Track Coach, Dean Hayes. I took several gun starts with the team. It felt great. No injuries or strain. I ran several full speed sprints letting up after about 30m. I preceded this with an hour long warm up of jogging, stretching, and a variety of striders and lunges.

It was really cool to hang with the team. Many of these sprinters are here on scholarship from Africa. Being the only white guy and twice their age, they treated me so politely and were so friendly, it was a joy to be there. I felt like a kid again. I can't tell you how much fun I had. I was definitely a curiosity. Like that writer George Plimpton who used to write about his experiences as an ordinary guy doing extraordinary things. When the gun went off, I definitely did not feel out of place. Even though I was just slightly faster than some of the women, I did have one real good start where I was only 2 steps behind the guy leading at 30m when I let up. Based on the times these guys run, and how far ahead they are, I would estimate my time to definitely be over 7.

I think a realistic goal for Sunday's Ed Temple Classic would be 7.2 for the 55m. According to Masters Rankings, 7.2 is listed as the "all-American Standard" for my age group for the 55m. There has been only a few times posted for this event in my age group thus far this season, and no fast electronic times.

Dean Hayes asked me if I was ready, and I said, "I only have to hang together for 7 seconds... hopefully 6.9."

Dreamin'....

Masters Indoor Track - 'tis the season

Well, I've been threatening to do this for a year now and finally, the time is now. I'm planning to sprint competitively for the first time in 30 years on Dec. 27 (pending weather) at the Upstate Holiday Classic at RIT in NY. Of course, I've not really been training for this specifically, but I have been running. Like last year, this was a last minute decision. I will be in NY for the holidays and this year, I'll be bringing my Adidas. I plan to run the 55m and the 200m at RIT. If all goes well and I do ok, I'll likely run in the Ed Temple Indoor meet at TSU on 1/11. I've already registered but not yet paid.

I tried out my sprint legs yesterday at the Murphy Center. I ran two 300's with some of the elite college runners. Yea they smoked me but I was able to stay with them for 150m, not bad for an old white guy. I also did 4 full power starts out of the blocks with my spikes. Felt fine! No leg issues except that I'm a little sore today. Amazing that I can run 2:45 half mile repeats for days and feel no soreness, but just sprint two 300's and I'm sore. It's a totally different running experience.

For my first meet, I'd love to be around 7.5 in the 55m and under 25.0 in the 200m. I'd like to 'get on the board' at the Masters Rankings website. On the other hand, if I can't break 8 in the 55m and 26 in the 200m, I think I'll just hang it up.

Maybe if I get two meets under my belt with decent times, I'll get the balls to bug Dean Hayes again to let me run in a college meet at the Murphy Center. Last year he was kind enough to put me in but I had to scratch at the last minute. I don't want to ask him again unless I've actually done it before ...
I mean sometime since 1978:



UPDATE: I scratched from the 12/27 RIT meet. It was 3 hrs away and I entertained at my parent's 49th Anniversary party the night before and didn't feel like getting up early to drive the 3 hrs to race. I would not have been able to run the 200m and the 55m would have been risky since my left quad has again been strained since the last workout. I hope I'll be ready in 2 weeks to run the 55m at TSU.

Run easy? -- Updated

UPDATE: I will be running in masters sprint races this season.

I hope to run the 55m and the 200m at the Holiday Classic at RIT on 12/27. and the 55m at the Ed Temple Classic in Nashville on 1/11.
----------------
I've returned to running a bit. Not the ambitious 5 day a week training I did last season, but the knee seems ok to run 2 to 3 times a week. I'm alternating running with swimming. I doubt I'll run any 5k races this year since I don't want to train the way I did. Don't think my knee would stand up to it. I did want to run in some masters sprint races this season but was really disappointed that the AL Track Club is not offering meets this year at Priceville.

Anyway, despite my lack of training and weighing 10 lbs more than I did during last racing season, I've had a few good workouts this week. Hopefully this is just the beginning and I'll get back to my racing weight of 140 - 142, then we'll see.

Fri:
1 mile - 6:42
6 min rest
3 miles - 21:36 (7:12 pace)
10 min rest
1 mile - 6:32

Sun:
3 miles - 21:32 (7:11 pace)
6 min rest
quarter mile sprint - 1:06

Tues:
6 x half mile intervals - 3:04 avg
3 min rest in between
2:47
3:12
3:12
3:11
3:10
3:01

I can't seem to run slow easy distance. Since I want to limit myself to no more than 10 miles a week, I need to make them count. Coach says I could still be fast by cross-training, doing good cardio training in the pool. I did my first set of intervals in the pool on Sat and I think he's right.

Anyway, speaking of running fast, I saw this ad for Pearl Izumi running shoes in USATF mag and I wanted to copy it here for those of us who endure the pavement:

RUN EASY IS AN OXYMORON
What is it about running that scares people so much? Why do people feel they have to put friendly modifiers next to running so everyone can feel good about it? Well, here's the ugly truth. Everyone shouldn't feel good about running. It's hard. It hurts. Running requires sacrifice, heart, and guts. Any attempt to water it down with feel good adjectives is a slap in the face to those of us who still hold running sacred. In fact, if you're running easy, odds are you're not running at all. You're jogging! So, do us a favor, don't run easy. Run hard. Run like an animal.

heh....

Something the world has not seen the likes of before - Usain Bolt breaks the 200m WR (19.30)

There has never been a sprinter in history that has dominated the Olympic games like Usain "Lightning" Bolt. Bolt not only broke the 200m world record... but it was Michael Johnson's record (19.32) - the record that was set in 1996 by a miraculous 0.34 seconds, a record many thought would stand for generations ... and, Bolt broke that world record running into a headwind at near sea level, beating a field of the best in the world, by 10 meters!! To put it in perspective, the 200m time of 19.30 is a milestone - no man had ever run under 19.60 but Michael Johnson, and Johnson set his WR with a +o.4 m/s tailwind. Bolt set his record in a 0.9 m/s headwind - certainly a factor for a 6'5" sprinter. No 200m world record in at least 20 years has been set with a headwind of that speed. (When looking at the margin of victory in the photo above, note that the guy in red - Churandy Martina, was disqualified for running out of his lane as was Walter Spearman. USA's Shawn Crawford took the Silver and Walter Dix, the Bronze).

This is the first time any person has set world records in the 100 and 200m races at the Olympic games.

After Bolt's performance in the 100m, I predicted he would break this record but one has to wonder. Is Bolt at a place in a moment in time where he is at his physical pinnacle or is this guy capable of more? Is this just a freak occurrence, an anomaly? Bolt is just 21, much of this speed is natural, he simply hasn't had a long career of training.

Again, out of corporate greed, NBC has withheld coverage of the event that occurred at 10:30 am EST this morning so they can appease their corporate sponsor, Chevy, by showing it tonight - 12 hours after the fact. I picked up up a few bootlegs from Britain and watched it. Gives me chills - Watch it
As the commentators say, he is like "a man running among boys."

Absolutely extraordinary... undoubtedly the track event of the Games. Bolt steals the show. Lightning strikes twice... this time he ran through the tape unlike the 100m:

Usain Bolt - the fastest man in the world. NBC withholds coverage

Usain Bolt is the fastest man in the world... not by a little but by a lot. Breaking the 9.7 mark for the first time in history, he won the Olympic 100m race in world record time 9.69, beating a field of the fastest sprinters in the world by 2 meters, celebrating 15m before the finish by beating his chest and cruising through the finish without even 'leaning to the tape.' He could have had a better time but nevertheless, a stunning display of top end speed. . I can't wait to see what he can do in the 200m. If any human is capable of breaking 19 seconds in the 200m, it is Usain 'Lightning' Bolt. I predict Michael Johnson's 19.32 record to fall next week.

This race occured on Saturday evening, Beijing time... about 10:30 am US EST. However, instead of broadcasting this race live on Sat morning in the US, NBC was led by corporate greed and advertising revenue. NBC waited until late Saturday evening to show the race - 12 hours after the fact. This was disturbing because by the time the race was shown by NBC, everyone knew the result. Watching events happen live is exciting. Watching an event knowing how it ends is anti-climactic. By late Saturday morning, video of the race started leaking out on to the net. Many of the videos became blocked shortly after they were posted. The motive was clear ... to commercialize one of the Olympic glamour events for maximum profit instead of covering it live. Shame on NBC!! Even now, NBC is working hard to "own" Bolt's performance ... the video is hard to find and most youtube posts have been removed.

Bolt is the real deal. If he stays focused, this guy will break every sprint record in the book and hopefully will continue to improve as his is just short of 22 yrs old. A true freak.

Doc Elrod and I

Dr. Elrod was recommended to me as the premiere knee guy when I ripped my acl skiing in '91. After 17 years, I saw him again yesterday.

If you're a Tennessee Titan's football fan, you've probably seen Dr. Elrod running out on the field to attend to injured players.

My reason for seeing him yesterday wasn't the left knee he repaired (which has been perfect), it was the other that has not been feeling right since Jan.

It took him just a minute to determine that a clunking in my knee may be a loose cartilage flap. To be sure, I will get an MRI tomorrow (Friday).

I was really impressed with his medical clinic - the Elite Sports Medicine and Orthopaedic Center.

Dr. Elrod told me that even though today they use absorbable materials' instead of using titanium staples and screws to affix donor acl ligaments like he did with my left knee in '91, he said my acl surgery in '91 was 10 years ahead of its time because it was done arthroscopically. My left knee has an acl donor replacement ligament- an allograft. At that time, it was revolutionary surgery. The donor ligament is actually an achilles tendon which is structurally much stronger than an acl. The knee has been perfect ever since.

Doc seemed interested in my own prosthesis - the classical guitarists fingernails - particularly the thumb nail that employs a superglued piece of ping-pong ball - odd as it sounds, it is a standard and widely used device among classical guitarists.

Note: I have not been posting very frequently here at Bill's TN Paradise, but with all the political news lately, I've been posting a lot at my politics blog: TN Canon.

New world's fastest man - Jamaica's Usain Bolt sets the 100m world record

9.72

at the Reebok Grand Prix, NY on Sat. May 31, 08.

Bolt, 21, lowered the record of 9.74 set by countryman Asafa Powell at Rieti, Italy, last September.

Why are these Jamaicans sooo fast?



speaking of bolts....

Return to the pavement

After watching my training shoes sit idly by the door for 3 weeks, I returned to running this week ... in small measure.

Been doing leg raise exercises - 3 sets of 20-25 in between lap swimming in my pool and abs on the deck. The knee feels good afterward. After the pool workout, I run a short distance to complete a light workout. I started with a 7:12 mile on Tues, did a 6:22 mile tonight. At 148 lbs tonight, just 6-8 lbs heavier than race weight, combined with not running for 3 weeks, whoa... Holy cow, do I feel fat and sluggish.

I'm pretty sure my knee issue was the result of a ligament strain, not directly related to running or repetitive use, but to the power exercises I did when trying to change my training regime to sprint training this winter. I have a natural weakness in my ligaments as I have had shoulder surgery in high school (football, wrestling) and 17 yrs ago, an acl replacement (on my good knee) after a skiing accident. I think I've found a good regime to get my knee back and into shape to do some running this summer, but I doubt I'll race again til the fall. If, after a month or so, my knee is not 100%, maybe I'll pay a visit to my knee man Burton Elrod. He did a great job on my left knee back in '91, it's been perfect ever since.

Season in review - running Nashville 5k races

It's actually pretty amazing I ran a PR with a slight knee strain. There is no doubt that in a week or 10 days it'll feel 100% and I will be tempted to run. Coach ruined his knee by being stubborn and trying to train through minor pain and he doesn't want to see me do the same. That's why he was pretty adamant about giving it at least 3 full weeks. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, my first day in the pool swimming laps.

The reason I wanted to run in the first place was not to win, but to be fit and be able to run all my life. I did enjoy the races but no point in doing it again until I'm 100%. So, when many are getting geared up for the summer running season, I'm quitting!

As a brand new distance runner, it was a decent "rookie season." I know I'll never be an elite runner, but I'm happy to have participated and to have improved with every race. I ran eight 5ks in just over four months.

My season in review:

Age Group GOLD MEDALS - '08:
(45-49)

Nashville Zoo Run 5K
Runnin' to Beat the Blues 5K, Nashville
Runnin' to Beat the Blues Mile (overall Gold)
Nashville Purity 5k

Other Awards - '07:

Second Prize - Jingle Bell 5K, Nashville
Third Prize - Frostbite 5K, Hendersonville

5K personal record - 19:36

Purity 5K - eighth straight PR, another Gold

But very little gain...
19:36
First Prize in my age group (45-49)
(12th overall out of 360 runners)
RESULTS

It was a hard run with a wicked headwind on the second 1.5 miles on the Greenway levee by the river.

This PR was my smallest gain ever, just one second faster than my previous race. It left me a little depressed, disappointed, feeling that even with a hard effort, no significant gain ... a feeling like I've come to the end, this is it, the best I can do.

Again, I ran a dumb race. My first mile was an insane 5:42. It felt pretty easy. I thought I was in better shape, I thought I could hang for the last mile, but I died, as usual. I was passed by several runners and I only passed one myself in the sprint to the end. If it weren't for that last painful sprint, I would not have had a PR. My knee held up ok. It's not 100% but it stopped hurting after the first few hundred meters. I was also around 2 lbs heavier today than last race (142 lbs) , I'm sure that didn't help.

I don't know if a headwind really makes a difference in a racer's time, but it sure made it feel harder psychologically. Maybe I'll do what coach says and get a heart monitor and take a more clinical approach to training. Coach thinks that I should take 3 weeks completely off to give the knee strain a chance to recover.

I can't complain, it's been a great season. Three age group Gold medals in my last four 5K races (Zoo Run, Beat the Blues, Purity Dairy Dash), and a Gold in the Beat the Blues mile (after my 5K). To this day I still have NEVER run a 5K race that was NOT a PR !! So, the pressure is still on if I choose to race again. It will take a lot of hard work and a fast race course to improve. Maybe I'll just retire "undefeated" ... it's not a competition against anyone, I compete with myself and so far, I've won every time. (Again important to note, there were faster guys in my age group that were counted in the overall masters results).

Thanks to Dirk for the encouragement and advice, thanks to Theresa for running with me (miss you), thanks to Zane for the inspiration and advice, thanks to Jimmy for the camaraderie and competition, and to Lisa ... who instigated this life changing pursuit for me on a suggestion that I should try and run my first 5k back in Dec.

Back home. Nice trip, good concert - mission accomplished

Saturday, I performed at the Seventh Annual Radford International Guitar Festival at Radford University in VA.

Also performing on the festival were Carlo Barone (Italy) , Jorge Caballero (Peru) and the Mayes Duo (USA).

I was happy my concert went well since I was playing a substantial and challenging program. I was happy and flattered that Joseph and Kathleen Mayes stayed an extra day to see my concert. Joseph is the President of the Philadelphia Classical Guitar Society and invited me to pursue a concert on their series. He had positive comments about my playing.

Such a rainy trip, never saw the sun until I got back to TN today. I hauled ass back, making the 400 mile mile drive in 5 1/2 hrs.

I stopped at Hurricane Bridge over Centerhill Lake and took this photo of my MTSU car. The Impala ran good.

The lake looked higher than I'd seen it in a while so I checked and YES!! It is now high enough access Burgess Falls by boat... and since I have tomorrow off, that's where I'll be - right here.

It's really great to be home and to get this concert behind me and few $$ for my efforts. It almost feels like this is the start of my summer vacation even though we have 2 weeks of school left.

-----------------------------
Even while on tour I managed to get a 45 min tempo run in with some hill repeats in those beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains.

Today, I did my scheduled ball buster workout:

2 miles at race pace: 12:36
6:01, 6:35 -mile splits

10 min rest

9:35 mile and a half (3:11 avg/half )
2:55, 3:21, 3:20


10 min rest

6:00 mile (3:00 avg/half )
2:51, 3:08

I couldn't seem to put 2 consecutive sub 3 min halves together today. Probably because I'm a few lbs heavier, thanks to Pam Trent's wonderful after concert dinners. I'm really dubious that I have another PR in me if I run Sat. If I do, a PR will have to be a gut-wrenching effort.